All my life I’ve been looking for kicks. Nothing is never enough. As a kid i was standing up in a waterslide, fell, hit my head and passed out. Some random mum saved my life that day.We built our own rafts and got out on the lake where we lived without any possibility to control the raft. My parents gave up being worried about me kinda early.
Even today I’m the same. I was out walking on the frozen lake with a friend and the ice started cracking under our feet, my friend sprung to safety whilst I was standing there with a hard-on and laughed like a mad man. And the feeling of happiness I get when i cant control a situation, it’s amazing.
I usually quit my jobs because the challenge is not enough. there’s no kick.The thing is about this kick that I’m constantly looking for, is that I don’t want it, I crave it. I need it. When I don’t get it, I feel lost.
It’s like a part of me is missing.
I do however have other things that fills up my life, Kids, Dogs and Awesome people. But the problem with staying in touch with awesome people is that then you have to stay at one place for longer period of time. And to do that you need a job. So when i pick jobs I’m looking for fun. Something where i get stimulated and that I feel I’m good at.
Last year I revealed to my friends that I was going to Longboard around the world. Everyone thought it was crazy and absurd, but to me it made sense. Everything fell into place and I can only describe the feeling as euphoria. 5230 km later and I got hit by a car. That devastated me. It took me well over a year to get pass that I wasn’t a failure. It was a hard blow to me and no one understood that I talked to. I know it wasn’t myfault that I got hit by a car but I failed with my mission. I was going to save the world and the world made sense to me for once and there I go and get hit by a car so badly that my neck still hurts and i cant really do any distances on a longboard anymore.
So how have i spent this year filling that void? well I’ve been working on a small cruise ship and i absolutely loved it. The freedom the sea gives you (even if its in the Stockholm archipelago), is amazing. Feeling the fresh wind in your face as you sit with your colleagues and have a glass of whine.. And some of the best people I’ve met where there. Gino (the big boss) has a special place in my heart and sometimes I felt like he’s the only person that understands me.
What I really wanted to say with this post was that if you feel that you don’t fit in, that’s because you don’t. If you think about it, is that so strange that we don’t fit in? So far there always been people exploring new parts of the world and we have had people not only wandered on others roads but has stomped up new paths for others to follow and I don’t talking metaphorically as we otherwise love to
do in this day of age.
But what happens today when we get told that what we need to do is to get a job, get a house, get
married and create new people that should do the same. You get lost, because your told to sit still when everything in you wants to get moving.
So what can we do about it? How can we change it? well for one thing we could get awesome at survival and just get out, but that’s a bit scary. we could find remote jobs so you will be able to work wherever your legs takes you.
what I will do? I will search for that someone or something that keeps me in port. That something that
understands me and can calm me down when i just want to run out of the door and explore. Because what I want is that balance in life, where I can have that people told me to have but the time and space to explore new areas and look back at my life upon my deathbed and never regret.
I rather regret what I’ve done than what I’ve never done. So lets go out and do fucking everything during 2017.
I just wanted to add a thanks to all the amazing people I’ve got to know and love. Thank you for all your support and If you reading this and I don’t know you. Well thank you for reading. It means everything. My friends are just reading because they have to, you don’t.
Have an awesome 2017.